Cue major blushing and generally feeling like an idiot….
Ok, soooo….this week I was decreasing my antidepressants which made me majorly depressed and anxious. With that and some other things going on in my life, this week was tough as hell. I’m not out of it yet, I’m hoping with a bit more rest I’ll be back to my happy self.
Anyway!! Alot of you may have seen that Emma Watson has been leaving books around on subways and trains, because she wants to make people happy and get them into reading. I watched a video on Wednesday and I got super excited about it…I was like, I wanna do it too!!
I was reading The Hate U Give at the time, and this book is just amazing. It made me laugh and cry, it made me angry and it made me think. It’s a confronting book and poignantly tackles racism and black oppression. As I was reading I was thinking “this is a book EVERYONE needs to read”. I had just seen what Emma Watson did and had just been thinking how I wanted to do it…what better book to start with, than a book EVERYONE needs to read?
Now like I said, I was in a really, really bad headspace. I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there and not ever come back out. I wanted to do something that would make me feel happier and also make other people happier. So on impulse, I go on booktopia and buy FIVE COPIES of THUG. FIVE.COPIES.
You know who’s a millionaire? Emma Watson. You know who isn’t a millionaire and probably never will be? Me! But none of this goes through my head because I am saving people through literature. I feel like a book saint, spreading the word that racism is alive and is something that everyone needs to be aware of. Is this a form of white guilt? Shit, probably.
I paid for those lovely five copies of THUG (on credit card OF COURSE) plus shipping (next day so worth the money). And felt so, so happy with myself. I walked with a spring in my step…for about 10 minutes, until reality came back to greet me and I was back to feeling super crappy again.
I have the books getting delivered to me, along with some stickers (which I also paid for), and will leave the books in spaces where people will find them and read them. That’s the dream of course. But my little project was all fine and dandy until my husband looked at the bank statement….and was like “Steff what did you spend $90 on?”. It hit me then…I’m pretty sure I could have done this ALOT cheaper…and maybe thought it through some more, and discussed it for a few days before buying.
That being said, I am still super excited about leaving the books on trains because I personally feel that this is such an important book. Australia is definitely not absent of racism, just look at how our indigenous were treated and are still being treated. Look at anyone who is a shade off white who is subjected to threats, abuse etc. So yeah, my heart was in the right place…
If you take anything from this, let it be that you should try and not make impulse decisions whilst you aren’t in a good frame of mind. That can be hard to do obviously, otherwise it wouldn’t be called “impulse”. But discuss it with someone who can put things in perspective for you. It may help. It may not. But it’s worth trying.
If you are in Brisbane, keep an eye out for copies of The Hate U Give on the trains. I spent a pretty penny on it so please be kind to it 😶
And finally, to everyone else – read The Hate U Give. Its amazingly good 💜💜